Grey Past

Forgetting is the greatest boon granted to man. But like a lot of things in life, we don’t realize the importance of something we have. But she did realize the importance; and this realization lasted every moment of her waking hours. Her past haunted her, quite literally so.

She didn’t remember when it all started; but whoever she could remember entering her life in any way was there, right before her eyes. They appeared from thin air at their own will and then disappeared into nothingness. A horde of grey silhouettes followed and surrounded her everywhere. Her first boyfriend, the man who left her on their wedding day, her illegitimate daughter, her dead best friend, the little girl whose father she had wrongly fired from his job, they were all there. They stared at her through the fog that they were engulfed in, said things to her, mouthed foul words. They also sometimes gently advised her; advices that she never took. She never let too many people come close to her, she never let too many people enter her life because once they entered, they never left.

As a child, she often told her mother about the strange scary people surrounding her, waking her up in the middle of the night. She never understood why her mother couldn’t see them; they were all right in front of her! It hurt her tremendously that her own mother didn’t believe her, she was sweetly told to stop asking for so much attention. When she still wouldn’t give up on insisting that she didn’t lie, she was beaten into silence. She then stopped mentioning it to anyone and lived her entire life in the presence of those silhouettes. They watched her smile, tears, laughter, anguish, disappointment. She never had any emotion for herself, never a moment alone.

Foul language, curses and abuses didn’t really affect her. She had heard a lot of them to reach where she was right now and she didn’t regret that. But having abuses hurled at you during every waking moment is not quite an amusing feeling. She was now a tired woman and so she decided to talk things out with her constant companions. Her past came back to life, not that it had ever completely left her anyway. She realized how many mistakes she had made in life, how many things she had lost just because she didn’t talk things out. She didn’t regret anything; she wouldn’t change anything in her life even if she had the chance now. But speaking things out with her past helped her greatly. She saw her life from numerous eyes.

She lay on the hospital bed all day leaving only to use the bathroom. Bland, tasteless, love deprived food was brought to her thrice a day. No one came to visit her but she didn’t even need anyone else now. She was at peace with her past.

Someone knocked at the door and a pretty young nurse entered with her lunch. “Good morning Mrs. Johnson”, she said nervously. “I am Samantha. I have joined just today. I’ll be your new caretaker now. Hope you’ll be comfortable with me”, she recited the previously rehearsed line and left the room. Mrs. Johnson smiled as Samantha joined her at her bedside, now engulfed in grey mist.

A Beautiful Day...

The music blared in her ears. She carelessly cleared the wooden floor of the many empty alcohol bottles. The smoke that clogged the windowless room made her feel that she was finally among the clouds.

The anesthetics, the alcohol, the music, her life; something had deadened her so much that she couldn’t hear someone pounding on the door. Her thoughts traveled back to the clinic where she had gone to abort her first child and her first sibling. There she had the last glimpse of her mother. Her mother had offered to take her away forever but she had refused. She couldn’t recollect why. Maybe she expected her mother to insist, to take her in spite of her refusal; she didn’t remember.

She was brought back to the present by a sharp sensation of pain. The weak latch of the door had given way and her enraged father stood in front of her, fist raised to deal another blow. She instinctively cowered barely listening as she was blamed for her mother’s death, her father’s loss in business and now, her stepmother’s departure. Everything was a blur after that.

She woke up the next day sprawled on the floor with a swollen lip and bruises all over her body. She had to find a way of concealing her swollen lip; the excuse of allergies and insect bites was used too often. As she got ready, she noticed that her father had already left. She smiled to herself – it looked like a good day. She then got a text from her boyfriend. As she texted back, she remembered a particularly violent kiss and found an excuse for the swollen lip. She smiled again for the second time since morning; there was something exceptional about the day.

She had completely forgotten that the mid-term results were to be announced that day. She had topped the exam which didn’t come as a surprise to anyone. The teacher told her to collect a scholarship form from his office. When she went there, she was a little taken aback when he told her to shut the door behind her. A bird perched on the window caught her attention and she could faintly hear the teacher saying something about her being an adult, some scholarship, some recommendation. She then felt an arm on her legs. She turned to feel a wheezy breath on her face.

Her hand flew to a pair of scissors on the table and she brought it down on the hand touching her. She stabbed the man repeatedly; on his chest, face, arms, back. With every stab she avenged every wound ever inflicted on her. She then stood straight looking at the mangled body lying in a pool of blood. She smiled again, for the third time since morning; today was a truly beautiful day…

Flitting Through the Skies…

It was a quiet evening; the enormous French windows enabled William to get a better view. His eyes first scanned the skies as they always did. The seamless sky was completely clear apart from the few stranded wisps of milky clouds. Butterflies fluttered in and out of his perfectly maintained garden. In the distance was a dense forest, serene and apparently concealing a million secrets. Snow clad mountains capped with fog stretched over the horizon. He shooed a tiny brown bird sitting on his window to see it open its wings and soar through the space.

He closed his eyes and saw a brilliant flash of red light. He could suddenly feel immense heat all around him; he longed for the snow-clad mountains. Something stung at his legs but he couldn’t get rid of it.

Elisa entered the room just then. She fretted over him not noticing the beads of perspiration on his forehead. She had initially agreed to come to this remote place just so that she could make some fast and easy money to go to college; and anyway how difficult could it be to look after a crippled 28 year old! But there was something about this boy that drew her to him.

He was a tall, fair, dark haired, strongly built boy. He never spoke much unless it was absolutely essential; however, he wrote – page after page, book after book. But she noticed that he had been unusually silent since last night. Elisa didn’t find anything wrong in what had happened; it all felt just perfect, like it was just destiny waiting to take its course. But clearly, William thought otherwise. She didn’t want to be the first one to bring up the topic so she waited for him to speak. He did, eventually.

Now, William wasn’t the one to beat around the bush or indulge in niceties, so he got straight to the point. “Elisa, what happened last night is not going to get you anywhere. I am saying this to you because I can anyway not get anywhere from here in this wheelchair. I have lived my life and I shall die here. But this life will just stagnate you and it is not something that I would be proud of. I am very thankful that you looked after me for so long. With all your dues, you have my lifelong gratitude too. I think it is now time that you leave this house and create your own place in the world out there.” Before she could reply, he wheeled himself out.

After a few hours, William returned to an empty house. He went straight to his room where he picked up a pen and closed his eyes. This time, however, he didn’t see the war, the fire, the crash; he now just flitted through the calm clouds with Elisa by his side. He opened his eyes and smiled slightly as he put his pen on a paper and began writing…